She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
no you cant smoke seaweed
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
