ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
