his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
