Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
