You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
