Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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