It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
