I want to stick my p in your. b.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
