This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
