It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
