He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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