I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
