don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
