she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
