some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
