Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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