Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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