I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I don't deserve a penis
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Randomize