fuck your aforementioned shoe
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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