I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
