I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
