Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
