i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
