my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
