I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
