Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
