We're facebook friends in real life
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize