Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
