You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
