We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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