Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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