He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
