I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
