Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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