More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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