I think my fart just growled at me.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
two words...techno handjob
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
