How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
