She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
