Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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