I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
