Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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