the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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