a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
