I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
