I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You need Xanax blowdarts
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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