Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
