her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
