I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
