He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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