Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
There r osticjed everywhere
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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