oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I feel like abortions should bother me more
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize