friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
