and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
