your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
