So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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