So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
