evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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