Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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