So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
