her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
