Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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