I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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