I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Quick, to the slutcave!
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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